and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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