Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Randomize
