My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
