I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
