After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
