she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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