we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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