Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
