Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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