im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
