my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
