So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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