There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
