I can text with my tongue
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
