I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
