i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
