it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
