I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
