I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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