Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
