When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also, beer. Big fan.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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