Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
