Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
