i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
