you would pick up someone in the library
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
