I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
