Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
