I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
