I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
