Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
