why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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