And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
