She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
