He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
