I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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