Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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