walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
