Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
