if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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