you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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