So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
