The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
