look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
