There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
