a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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