I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
