Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
