Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
