i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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