i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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